WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN TO A NEW EPISODE OF DUNGEON DELVER EX-TRRREEE-MMEEEEEE!

The surround speakers blasted through the adapted movie theatre, immediately whipping up the spectators into a heady frenzy of promised entertainment.

The crowd was mixed, to the extreme, but nobody cared because the wide screen was pumping fast moving actions of cut-scenes into their vision. Elves, Humans, even Dwarves and Trolls were gathered to watch the three-hour show.

AND HERE IS YOUR HOST, THE MAN TO GUIDE YOU THROUGH THE HELL OF BOSSCHIAN NIGHTMARE HORROR… YOUR DUNGEON MASTER… FRRRANK DU-BOIS!

When the charismatic host of the show walked into view, he was greeted with the tumultuous roar of the pre-taped applause mixed in with the very real and live clamor in the theatre.

“Welcome to today’s show people,” Frank launched into his script, “As we last left you the previous episode, you all saw how a new team was dropped into the by now ~FAMOUS~, or should I say ~infamous~, Delver Dungeon”

Frank silenced while the audience was treated with a small video recap of the previous episode, voiced over by the never seen female co-host and commentator.

“As the Phoenix Team had to be extracted by our studio delving team due to a series of small and unfortunate setbacks” ((Phoenix team is seen consisting of one and a half members left out of the eight that went in)) “The self-proclaimed Ultimate Team was gearing up for their own delve inside the chopper en route.” ((A few snippets of the team’s members are seen, picking through the assortment of gear they were given by the studio, as well as some obvious ‘Home made recipes’)) “The last we saw of these valiant people through our studios cameras was their entrance to the Dungeon… We wish them luck” ((The team can be seen entering a dramatically dressed dungeon, image fades out and returns to Frank))

Frank nodded and smiled, “Thank you Elise,” while he turned to the next camera, his eyes scanned the keywords held up to him by a grip boy and he continued to his audience. “Of course you wonder who these brave men and women are who will provide you with, hopefully, hours and hours of wonderful entertainment, no?”

“Of course you’re damn right we want to know.” an overzealous, and obviously drunk elf called to the screen, only to be hushed down by his friends.

The image went to a lineup of the team going in, on first glance a rag-tag team of humans, whom usually consisted of 99.9% of any Dungeon Delving show. Somehow the other races had a little more common sense than to enter game shows like this.

“My name is Gerald, I’m the team’s captain.” A man of about 40 years of age was looking at the camera. He had graying hair and something in his eyes that gave the impression that this wiry, aging man was more than he looked like. “I’ve selected the team I’m taking with me from family and friends, picking on skills and knowledge they can add to the team, making sure we all have a wide-spread base of abilities. I’m the team’s marksman, I’ll be carrying and firing the ‘Penns and Hemmingtons FT-547’ and plan to make full use of its mix and match ammo capability.”

Next up came a woman, she looked about half the age of Gerald and introduced herself as Franka, his eldest daughter. “I’m going along as the medic, having a degree in Human and Humanoid Medicine from the Frankford University in Upper Gloucester and plenty of on hand experience in the on-faculty emergency surgery theatres.” She picked, for herself, a set of sturdy and maneuverable armor and a self-carrying med-kit. Self-carrying because of the magnetic relays underneath it to help it ‘float’.

The following figure was quite a surprise to most of the spectators in the room, a low ‘oooh’ passing amongst hem as a male elf stood there, bedecked with scores of flasks, pockets and other various stashes and places that protruded with all kinds of odd objects from packets of salt to Mars-bars. “I’m Harmon ‘Hailstorm’ LaPenne,” the man introduced himself with a cool voice, calculated and measured with every word he uttered for value, “I’ll be bringing in the mystical firepower for the team. But do not mistake me for a mumbo-jumbo uttering fop whose only talent lies in the fabrication of spheres of fire or the levitation of a handful of pencils.” He held up a small flask filled with a dark blue mist “I am an alchemist, and in this delve I will strive to prove that Alchemy is even more diverse than magic, deserving true acknowledgement.” He put the flask away again and smiled at the camera again, immediately filling the image with an aura of friendship. “I am also a colleague of Gerald, and a close friend since we met a few years ago.”

“And I’m willing to bet too close for ‘is wife’s comfort,” cat-called a dwarf, causing the theatre to rumble a moment with laughter, blotting out a good part of the fourth and last introduction.

“And I’m on the team cause I’m the only one here with military training in these kind of situations, handling the job of a Scout, Tech and Heavy munitions carrier.” Finished a rather ratty looking man claiming to be Gerald’s brother, Paul.

The images returned to Frank, who, as usual, began to explain the rules to the game to the audience. “The team will be dropped in the entranceway to the Dungeon, with a map of all the, as of yet, discovered areas and rooms. Their goals are to beat the number of locations and/or objects discovered by the previous teams and emerge with at least 50% of their team alive. They have all been equipped with the best we can offer, and this team seems to have brought along a number of toys of their own to promise to “Spice Things Up”. Each of them has been given a few armor-mounted cameras; One to show us what they’re seeing in front and one for us to look behind them.”

Images of a dummy dressed in one of the armor/camera combinations is panned past the viewing audience.

“Of course you wonder, how can we see what these people are seeing? Aren’t dungeons supposed to distort and prevent communications?” Frank questioned, “Well, not thanks to our linkup relay. A series of nodes will be set up between every room the participants enter, enabling infrared information to pass through the dungeon, and for the actual outside world, we use a cable going out where normal communications is possible again, aren’t we smart ladies and gentlemen? All for the best in entertainment for ~YOU~!”

The crowd inside the theatre roared another round of applause when the screen finally showed the Ultimate Team in their base camp, talking to each other and plotting their strategy until finally Gerald turned to his teammates to talk at the audience. “Well, this is it,” He said, “We’ve been given the go ahead by the studio and we’ll be heading out to the fourth floor to start.”

Back in the studios Frank went back to his dressing room where the producer was already waiting for him with a large smile and a larger cigar.

“Well done Frank,” The man began, “The ratings are higher than ever today, we’re looking at an overseas contract here.”

Frank ignored most of what the man had to say until he was nearly inside the room.

“Bill, you know I abhor this show and I don’t give a fart about your ratings. You need me, I need the money and as soon as someone finds out that this whole crappy dungeon is staged, I’m on the first jet to the Bahamas.”

Frank slammed the door shut behind him and prepared for the second part of the show in front of the live audience.